The Reverend TD Jakes did a sermon awhile back where he talked about the 3 types of “friends” who come into your life, and it’s important to understand the difference between them.
1) Confidant—someone who’s there for you no matter what. They love you unconditionally. They can cheer with you, cry with you, and “feed” you what you need to grow. You’ll be lucky if you have two or three of these people in your lifetime. In fact, you’ll never reach the heights of success in your lifetime until you meet this person.
2) Constituent—someone who’s for what you’re for, but they’re not for YOU. (This is where most people live.) The day you find out they’re not for you and they leave, you’ll have your heart broken.
3) Comrade—someone who’s not for you; nor are they for what you’re for. But they’re against what you’re against. They’ll come into your life when you need to fight a great battle. They’ll help you tackle an enemy. And when the battle’s over, they leave.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- One of the biggest problems we have is that we surround ourselves with people whom we THINK are confidants, but they’re not
- How we can hire team members, work with business partners, or even get into marriages while thinking the other person is our confidant—when really, they’re a constituent or a comrade
- In most of our relationships, we’re constantly feeding the other person, but we’re not getting fed in the way we need to be fed to create the success we truly want—unless that person is a confidant
- We have a tendency to project what we want onto other people and make them something that they’re not
- How having good boundaries can help us avoid codependency
Plus, I share a crazy story from when I taught a seminar many years ago. One guy got so triggered by this information about “knowing your friends,” that he set fire to the hotel we were staying at—because he thought I was telling his wife to divorce him (I wasn’t).
This lesson really teaches you where you need to grow as a person, how to choose the people you have in your life, and how you need to interact with those individuals.
Links & Resources
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Take stock of your existing relationships and whether or not they are feeding you or draining you. Learn more about your true friends by diving deeper into these past episodes from The Successful Mind Podcast:
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